Once upon a time, scientists' worth was measured by their ideas, proofs, and perhaps how eloquently they debated Hilbert's problems at seminars. But now, citation metrics have come to center stage and handed us new masters: FWCI and CNCI. This paper critically, and with a touch of satire, examines how these seemingly objective metrics are shaping, and often distorting, the scientific landscape. Through examples and analysis, we highlight the consequences of relying too heavily on such indicators...